The Broken Doll

(An excerpt from Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul)

“One day my young daughter was late coming home from school. I was both annoyed and worried. When she came through the door, I demanded in my upset tone that she explain to me why she was late.

She said, “Mommy, I was walking home with Julie and halfway home Julie dropped her doll and it broke into lots of little pieces.

“Oh, Honey,” I replied, “you were late because you helped Julie pick up the pieces of her doll to put them back together.”

In her young and innocent voice, my daughter said, “No, Mommy. I didn’t know how to fix the doll. I just stayed to help Julie cry.”

My Two Cents

• We often rush to the broken hearted with words of wisdom, scripture, and well-meaning advice. However, the heart broken are not a problem to be fixed. Most often, it is best to be present while they take the time they need to work through grief.

• Travel together. The journey is filled with joy and sorrow. And what beauty there is in life when someone sticks around for both!

• Share your burdens. The load is always lighter and more manageable when you have help. Numbers 11:17 says, “And I will take of the Spirit that is on you and put the Spirit on them. They will help you carry the burden of the people so that you will not have to carry it alone.

Love wins.

Marsha

The Rosetta Mystery

In 1884, 1200 people left Roseta, Italy and began buying land and building houses on a rocky hillside in Pennsylvania. Before long, they established a church, organized festivals, and planted gardens.  They raised pigs, fermented some grapes and built a cemetery.

Our new Italian friends cooked with lard, ate meat year around, smoked heavily, did not exercise and had a whopping fat intake of 41%. As the settlement grew, so did their waistlines! However, several things did not expand such as welfare, alcoholism, drug addiction and crime.  Like all living things, true to the cycle of life, the settlers in Pennsylvania began to die.  Of course the assumption was they were dying of heart disease. And therein is the Roseta Mystery. Strangely enough, they were not dying of heart disease but rather they were dying of old age. But how, with their unhealthy lifestyle, was this be possible?

Dr. Stephen Wolfe, a medical Dr. at Oklahoma University, pondered that same question when he decided to pack his gear and head to the rocky hillside to meet the happy, cigarette smoking, wine drinking, sausage loving, lard cookin’ Italians. When Dr. Wolfe arrived in Pennsylvania, he dug deep into the physical research to unravel the mystery as to why these new Americans were living long in a prosperous community with little welfare, addiction or crime. Unfortunately, after many months, Dr. Wolfe could not document a medical reason as to why they were not dying of heart disease.  

If there was no medical reason for their longevity, Dr. Wolfe considered another explanation. And that is when he unraveled the Roseta mystery.

The Roseta people had built community around their unhealthy eating habits. They habitually visited one another, conversed on the street, they developed family clans and shared sit down meals together. They showed respect for their elders and regularly participated in church and civic organizations.  Dr. Wolfe discovered the benefits of community had established a connection that insulated the people from disease and protected them from the pressures of the outside world.  

My Two Cents:

Get out: The universe will continue to unfold with or without our permission or our participation. Yes, it is unknown, scary and especially painful after loss but you must find a solution that works for you to get out of the four walls that surround you. Secondly, get out of your head. Not all the thoughts you have are true. And for those thoughts that are true…at some point, you will need to find a way to make peace with your memories and experiences.

Get connected:  Start a conversation with the stranger sitting next to you. Join a class or a support group. Or better yet, start your own group! You live in America. You can throw yourself a birthday party and invite your neighbors if you want!

Get busy: Stop being a slave to Nextflix and social media and get busy doing something meaningful. Start a project. Or finish one.

For the most part, big governments, programs, and organizations have well-meaning intentions. However, programs do not create community. People create community. The type of community that protects its residents from disease and insulates its members from poverty, substance abuse and crime is generated not by an outside organization but rather by a close knitted, loving, caring, happy hard-working people who respect their neighbors, break bread together and bury their loved ones together.

A wellness life is a life well lived! So go live it.

Marsha

Pack Your Coffin

A century ago, the missionary, A.W. Milmm purchased a one-way ticket to the New Heberdes in the South Pacific.  Milmm knew that the headhunters in his mission field had murdered every missionary that had gone before him.  It was obvious to A. W. Milms that he would not return home from this mission trip.  So Milms gathered a few belongings and packed his coffin.

For 35 years, A. W. Milmns lived among the headhunters in New Heberdes and he loved them.  When he died, the tribe members buried him in the middle of their village.  His tomb stone read, "When he came there was no light, when he left there was no darkness."

My Two Cents:

The one-way ticket.  If the dream, relationship, business, or adventure is worth having, consider the price of the one way ticket. There will be things and people and experiences that you will leave behind. Yet, anything less than a one way trip will leave the door of your heart open for fear, doubt and regret to creep in and make its home in the dark shadows.

Love brings light.  Mr. Milmns never expected to be loved.  Actually, I imagine he expected to have his head chopped off!   Yet, his love shined a light so bright that it drove out the darkness in New Heberdes. Humans, even the head hunting kind, are drawn to the light. There is something intriguing about the man who is willing to risk his life for his cause.   

Travel light.  Life is short. Unburden yourself. Leave behind those unrealistic expectations.  God does not need you to be perfect.  He only needs you to be available.  Stop pondering all the details of the future and stop picking the past apart. Just buy the damn ticket!

You my friend, are called to bring light to the people in dark places.  And if you are going to bring the light, you must be prepared to love those in the dark.  Including yourself. 

If you are reading this today. It is time to start packing. The world needs you.

Marsha Johnson, MA
Author | Speaker | Counselor

8 Qualities to Look for when selecting a good Therapist

Whether you choose teletherapy or office sessions, many individuals are experiencing anxiety, stress, and depression and will be seeking mental health care services. Just as you would consider the knowledges, skills, and experience when selecting your primary care physician Alan H. Cohen gives 8 qualities to look for in a good therapist, teacher, minister, counselor or coach:  

• A good therapist draws forth the best in you rather than continually directing your attention to what is wrong with you.   When you walk out of a session, do you feel lighter, freer, and stronger, or do you feel stuck and confused?

• A good therapist is relatively happy and healthy.  While it is unfair to expect a therapist to be a paragon of perfection, their demeanor should demonstrate the kind of attitude and energy you aspire to experience.

• A good therapist is authentic and walks their talk.  Their life reflects the values they express and suggest for you.  They acknowledge that they, too, are on a journey of awakening. Sometimes you can learn more from a therapist’s humanity than their philosophy.

• A good therapist strives to move you through the therapeutic process as quickly as possible.  Be wary of therapists who try to keep you in therapy for their own purposes.

• A good therapist sets appropriate boundaries.  When they say no if you ask them to cross their boundary, they are teaching you to say no when you need to do the same.

• A good therapist assists you to contact your own inner wisdom.  They acknowledge that you know your own answers and their role is to help you develop the skills to unearth them.  They will never try to force you to follow their direction.  They may suggest and guide, but the choice is always yours.

• A good therapist acknowledges that you are a multi-dimensional being.  Their therapy program addresses all levels of your life rather than just one.  They respect and support you to nourish all these aspects of yourself and keep them in balance.

• A good therapist places service and healing before money, power, or sex.  They are there to serve, not to feed their ego.

If you need help, ask for help. And keep asking until you get the help that meets your needs!

You Matter. We Care.

Marsha Johnson, MA, CISM
Destiny Wellness Center

Power of the Human Touch

I am hugger.  I can't help it.  I hug people I know. I hug people I don't know. I hug the people I love and I hug the people I don't!   One day, I went to hug a customer and she reared back and boldly stated, "Don't touch me. I don't like hugs!"   I respectfully and awkwardly stepped backward and apologized.  In the months that followed, I maintained my distance and she gradually began to share her story with me.  As the months passed, I would gingerly pat her on the shoulder, or on a rare occasion touch her elbow as she walked into my business.  After several months, little chocolates began to appear on my desk.  Later, sections of the daily newspaper magically showed up in my chair.  One day, on her way out the door, she leaned over and sternly asked, "Did you read that paper?"  I grinned from ear to ear and responded, "Yes, I did. Thank you."  

I didn't see 'Ms. Don't Touch Me' for several weeks.  I was concerned, so I looked up her address and sent her a card.  A few months later she walked into the building, and for the first time ever, sat down at my desk.  She explained she had been involved in a car accident and was unable to leave her apartment.  When our visit ended that day, we stood up and I walked around my desk to meet her. She didn't lean in for a hug but she didn't step back either.  And then I knew.  Cautiously, I opened my arms and embraced her.  As I began to wrap my arms around her, her frail stiffened arm reached around my backside...I do believe that was the first hug the woman had in many years.  

I am reminded of an event that happened several years ago...

     Jesi, my youngest daughter, had spent several days in the hospital.  Nothing, including morphine, eased her pain.  At one point, I leaned over the hospital bed, embraced her in my arms, and began whispering in her ear.  She soon fell fast asleep.    

     The next day, in the x-ray room a little boy was wheeled next to Jesi’s bed.  I nearly crumbled under the child’s heartbreaking cries.  The father tried to console the toddler but nothing seemed to calm him.  Then, the worried father reached down, picked up the little boy and rocked him in his arms.  The hurting child fell fast asleep.  I reached in my handbag, pulled out my journal and wrote,  "Never underestimate the power of the human touch."

            This photo is from an article called the "Rescue Hug".  Weighing less than two pounds at birth, the newborns were put in their respective incubator.  As one twin struggled to live, against hospital rules, a nurse decided to place the babies together.  The stronger twin threw her arm over her sister.  The baby struggling to live began to stabilize and her temperature rose to normal.  

What does this mean:

• Material possessions are beautiful to look at and nice to have.  But they cannot listen when you need to talk nor will they hold the trash can for you when you are ill.
• Expensive Egyptian cotton sheets sure are soft.  But they cannot replace a warm soft embrace nor can they fill the void in your heart.
• A hug, a smile and a warm embrace cost nothing.  Distribute them freely.
• People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  Show people that you care.

Life is short.  Love deeply and live passionately.

Marsha Johnson
Executive Director
Destiny Wellness Center

Opportunity or Distraction

A while back, I was offered an upper management position with a world renown corporation.  I wanted this promotion so bad that for nearly 3 years I worked every holiday and every weekend putting in long hours. This promotion would not only secure my financial future but it would validate my sales and leadership abilities, as only a handful of women had been selected for this position.  Yet, as I began to pack up my desk for the big promotion...something inside me was unsettled.  

As reality set in,  I began to ask myself a deeper question.  Simply put,  was this my fork in the road?  My opportunity or my distraction?  

You see, I was at a crossroads in my life. I could pursue this career path or I could pursue my passion in life.  The thoughts running through my head were screaming, “Take it! You’ll never get another opportunity like this one again!”  On the other hand, my emotions were pulling at my heart strings singing, “Don’t you do it!  The price you'll pay will be too high."  

Friday was approaching and the president of the company awaited my answer.  Should I listen to common sense and take the job?  Or should I follow my heart and if so, how could I say no? 

I had to choose. 

WHAT I LEARNED:

The heart feels.  The heart gives rise to emotions such as anger, love, sadness or guilt.    It is the center of your emotional well being.  The heart is not designed to make decisions but rather to monitor your emotions.  Do not follow your heart by making life changing decisions based purely upon emotion.  Following your emotions alone can lead you into an addiction, a dysfunctional relationship, or a dead end career. 

The mind thinks.  The mind has nearly 60,000 thoughts per day.  And if you are like me, many of those thoughts consist of meaningless chatter that are not healthy, true, or even intelligent.  While the heart was not designed to make decisions, the mind was not designed to feel emotions.  Rather, the mind creates thoughts. Some true. Some not so true!  Making decisions based only upon your thoughts can lead you into a bad business deal, an unfulfilling career, or a meaningless relationship.  

The Spirit discerns.   The Spirit is that still small voice, that inner alarm that "ding dings" and whispers, “Don’t you do it.”  or it's that strange sensation in your gut that compels you to move forward in a situation knowing, against the advice of the world, your gut says “Do it, Girlfriend. And don't you dare look back!”  You are made up of a heart, a mind, and a spirit.  And it is your Spirit that recognizes the feelings of your heart and hears the thoughts running through your mind and filters out the emotional drama of the heart and the meaningless chatter of the mind to discerns YOUR personal truth.  

You were created to feel with your heart, to think with your mind and to discern with your Spirit.  When you follow your gut, your heart and your head will not fight against one another.  In the midst of chaos and confusion, when everyone else says, “Are you crazy?  Have you lost your ever lovin' mind?” You will discover a personal peace.  Follow that peace.  

That Friday afternoon, I followed my peace and I resigned my sales position and stepped into a new life.  The life I was meant to live.     

This is the beginning of a new year for you.  Live the life you were meant to live.  Take a leap of faith, a step in the direction of your dreams.  And if that's a little scary...you can tip toe till you get there!  

Life is short.  Follow your peace.  

Marsha Johnson
Executive Director
Destiny Wellness Center

The Innkeeper

I am no Bible scholar.  So, I do not know if it was the cool of the morning, the heat of the day or after midnight when Joseph and Mary arrived at the Inn. I don’t know if the Inn was the first place the couple stopped or if was their last hope of finding a place to stay.  But I do know this.  The Bible records, the Inn was full.  

I can’t help but wonder what was going through the mind of the innkeeper when he had to tell Joseph and the very pregnant Mary that there was no room for them to stay at the inn.  And I doubt that Joseph and Mary were the type to crash a stable without permission.  So If I had to make an assumption, given the circumstances, I would think Joseph, like any father-to-be, pleaded with the innkeeper to make room.  He might possibly have said, “We’ll take anything.”  I suspect the innkeeper, looking at Mary, made room.

And, Oh my goodness!  What a joyous celebration it must have been for the innkeeper, his family, friends and all the guests in his inn when they heard that Mary gave birth.    

I can only imagine, the next morning at the breakfast table, what the innkeepers thoughts were when he realized that the Son of God, the King of the Jews, was born in his stable.
*(Stables were sometimes caves with feeding troughs (mangers) carved in rock walls.)  

What I Have Learned

• Innkeepers make room.  That's what they do.   Everyday we have an opportunity to be an innkeeper in our own home.  We can make room for a prayer group or a cooking class.  We can make room to listen to our children or cook dinner for a hurting friend. 
• Innkeepers make room in their heart.  Sometimes our pocketbooks are wide open but the room to our heart is closed.  Our loved ones need an emotional “safe place”.  They need to know the doors to our hearts are open to give and to receive love.  
• Innkeepers entertain Kings.  Sometimes a random person crosses our path.  And when we make room for them something magical happens.  Like Jesus, they bring us the gift of joy and of hope. While they are with us, they enlighten us. And when they leave us, we realize we were blessed by the divine. 

Life is short.  Make room.

Marsha Johnson
Executive Director
Destiny Wellness Center

First post

Welcome to our first blog post!  This blog was created to provide support to you on those days when you have a question, need support, a referral for resources, or just need someone to talk to.  Thank you for stopping by! 

Marsha Johnson
Executive Director
Destiny Wellness Center